Dating Ain't Easy

The Game has changed. We’re on the precipice of a new era of dating. Infinite distractions compete for our attention, less people are getting married and singles are struggling to master new tactics to stay relevant in the minds and lives of the opposite sex. The era of independence and individual success is among us. We’re living at a much faster pace than ever before. Convenience has spoiled us. Everyone is just a text, tweet, email away. When so many people are trying to advance an ego-based agenda –my company, my band, my script --this rise of independence may not be conducive for building meaningful, lasting relationships.
New Era

When did flowers, surprises, and romance go out of style? And what happened to throwing pebbles and declaring love from below a window sill. It all seemed much easier in black and white. These days if they don't respond within 5 minutes of a text they're clearly not interested and it's on to the next! Dating Ain't Easy or perhaps, is dating is too easy? When was the last time you put a lot of effort in trying to court someone? And why has our vocabulary become so explicit and spoken without caution or care? If it wouldn't make your grandma smile, don't say it to me! Too often we say too much and do too little. We have the latest and greatest technology and tools that oversimplifies the very complicated process of dating and getting to know someone.                                  

                                          Agenda

Dating is difficult because not only do you need to find someone you like, but their agenda has to be similar to yours. Success criteria: Lay out objectives. Are they just dating and exploring what's out there? Or are they open to a relationship? Do they some day want to marry and have children or do they have their mind set on traveling the world with their dog?

Making plans

If you actually call me, and you actually pick me up, and we actually go out ...then that sounds great! Convenience is huge and if the distance apart is more than 30 minutes ...forget about it. I barely see my friends if they don’t live within 10 miles of me and even that’s a stretch.

Love
Love is easy in the way that once you know it, it's easy to give yourself to it. But it's hard in the way that we let our imperfections get in the way.

Butterflies

Nothing compares to having that tingly, fluttery, butterfly feeling for someone. Once felt, I try to purse the lips of my potential suitor and prevent them from saying anything that may ruin the fairy tale I've created where no deal breakers exist and everything they say and do is exactly what I've been searching for.

They are perfect! They like me. I like them. It's warm when we cuddle. And in their absence I think of them still.

But then we start talking.

They have cats. I'm allergic.

They are gluten-free. I love pizza.

Kids are their worst nightmare. I've already named my firstborn.

They're agnostic. I go to church every Sunday.

They've been intimate with over 50 people or "around there." HUH?! 
They lack enthusiasm. I appreciate the small things. And once again the curtain closes.

Shhhhh.... don't speak!

If we just skipped the getting-to-know-each-other part this would last a lot longer.

Serving up disappointments hot!

Put Your Pride Down

Accept the challenge of being childlike and cry instead of turning your emotions off. Don't be afraid to look weak and vulnerable, it’s important to be open to the idea of finding happiness or ...you won’t. When I was younger, I saw possibilities instead of probabilities and magic existed. I was open to things and I want to feel that way again, we all do, but it takes practice. It takes growth in your mental state and it's difficult, challenging, and can end in embarrassment. It’s about putting your pride down and allowing curiosity to spark an adventure. Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to. Life is about memories and if you get the chance to make some you gotta drop your pride, and see the worth in accepting an almost certain test of mental and emotional strength. Pride is mostly an internal debate that appears unclear/confusing on the outside to others who cannot see this internal struggle. And what others say about you matters a lot more than what you say about you so don’t trip over something others can’t even see.

Dating

Some people will always be looking for the next best thing. I look at any relationship as an opportunity for growth. Everyone you meet knows something you don’t. There’s something to gain from everyone we date, whether that’s musical taste, a great film, or a good habit. Exploring life with others allows your world to widen just a bit and perhaps help you see things from a fresh perspective.

Great Expectations

I just want a boyfriend who makes me feel the way the sun does. Is that too much to ask?! I think love means different things at different times in our lives, but we're all looking for that sense of security, admiration, love, and dependency that we had for our parents when we were little. You may fall in love with someone because they are very attractive or because they spoil you like no one else has. But I think it's more about loving the choices that person makes on a daily basis, loving how they spend their time and money, and admiring their unique qualities that define them. You want someone to stimulate, challenge, motivate, and bring out the best you. Perhaps, even make you a better you. Even if you eventually have to manufacture what you want, you can find it. It’s not easy but it’s equally hard for all of us. So go ask that somebody on a date!

Friendship 
Too often people think they need to sleep with each other in order to feel connected. Why can't we just concentrate on the friendship first? The relationship is uncomfortable because both parties are insecure and worried that the moment anything goes wrong their love interest will run away. But if we focus on developing the friendship first we won't feel like we're stepping on eggshells around them.

Effort

No, I don't want to get coffee sometime! Take notice of what they like before approaching them and put some effort in planning a date they can't say no to. Or ask them in any other means than a text, facebook message, email, call. We might be surprised at the benefits of adopting the ways of our ancestors or favorite old movie.  

With a little effort, I think it can all be cinematic. Challenging, wondrous, but, a gift, no less. 

"The Ultimate Cliche". . .

You Can't Ignore It... Once again it's that time of year to tell someone just how special you really think they are! Orrr to hide from the person you're dating and "Unfortunately be very busy February 14th."

Valentine's Day is the the holiday everyone loves to hate! I personally think everyone should get the day off, I mean what's more important than Love?!

Maybe, you've never actually celebrated the holiday with that special someone, so you're a HATER and totally bash the holiday and all those who celebrate it. But it used to not be that way! Remember grade school and all the valentines and candies received in your special box from all your classmates?! I swear some mothers failed to read what the cards said before properly declaring the To: and From: parts, but I personally remember reading each one and thinking carefully about who should get the spicy cards, "My Heart is Yours, Be Mine!" and then the safe ones, "You're Cool!" From Lizzy. 

I thought about life after the cards and most of the time, I decided to save face and just give the lovey dovey ones to my best girlfriends. Butttt, there was always someone who I really wanted to give a special valentine to. Sometimes, I took the risk but like most of us still today, I usually kept it safe. More importantly though, "There was always someone."

I remember reading and rereading AND saving the ones that were very complimentary from the boys I liked. Even if I didn't like the boy before I got that sweet valentine from him, suddenly I found myself thinking about him in a special kind of way. At that point, I didn't take into account that boys are really lazy and most of the time, their mothers were just filling out the valentines with the class roster the teacher provided as if it was just homework. No!!! That 10 cent square of recycled cardboard, coverd with red hearts and classic cliches, meant someone thought I was special!

 

Boys seemed to really not mind the holiday when they had a big box of free candy to feast on. Their hatred for the holiday seemed to surface at a later age when the candy was no longer free, their mothers weren't there to fill out their valentines, and more importantly... no roster was provided to tell them exactly who to give valentines to. 

Many say, "If you have loved someone secretly, then Valentine's Day is the perfect occasion to bare your heart and let that special someone know just how special you think they really are." 

I don't necessarily agree with suddenly coming out of the dark with violent flames of love, especially on Valentine's Day, and pouring your heart out to that secret crush of yours who has no idea you lust for even a chance with them.... I don't see that ending well. Butttttt, I do believe it's important to spend the day with someone you love even if that's just a friend, or Doing something you love! As for that secret crush and those feelings chipping away at your heart and dominating your dreams, I think friendship should always be the first approach. And I don't suggest Valentine's Day as a first date, unless it's a Valentine's Day party with a bigger group of friends. Which, if orchestrated properly, could turn into Exactly what you were hoping for! 

So right now, if your only Valentine's Day plans are with Russell Stover, perhaps consider throwing a "Valentine's Day Bash" with friends! Grab a romantic comedy to throw on in the background, start constructing your Chocolate Fondue Fountain, and stop by the local drug store to pick up those Exclusive Valentine's Day Games and party favors. And, now that it's a "group date," there's no stress or risk in throwing an extra invite in the direction of that special someone.

TIPS and WARNINGS: Do Give out stupid valentines & Those disgusting chalky candy hearts. Avoid taking any online-dating-match out on a first date just so you don't have to spend the holiday alone. Cupid making you cringe cause you're flying solo? Don't take yourself to the movies, that's pathetic! Sleep on the “other” side of the bed if you must, but no flirting with ex boy/girlfriends it's only one day!

Don't ever buy plastic roses... They'll never die, but your love likely will.

A Man should Never get lingerie for their woman EVER! Shhhhhhhh.... I know you disagree, but you're wrong about this. Keep Reading!!....

Oh, and if you're a girl who suddenly gets a valentine from an acquaintance, don't do something brash to make him feel bad about bearing his soul. Instead, the best thing you can do is tell him how flattered you are and thank him and leave it at that! 

Make no mistake… Boys are so easily crushed too... That child still, that grew in their mother's kiss.

And men if you do get turned down by that bitch@%$# don't worry... She pays her dues at night, trust me. Never overlook the small moments of an open heart. It always feels good to have somebody in your head 

…AND sometimes it's better than reality! 

 

THINGS YOU'LL NEED: Crayons and construction paper baby! What else!?

And where did all the poetry go? Borrow a few verses from Shakespeare already and get with the program!  

If you ignore the day, they'll be pissed so just have fun with it! Under-promise, over-deliver. At this point, everything is cliche so don't waste your time trying be original and why bother?! There's nothing better than "The Ultimate Cliche!"