Dating Ain't Easy

The Game has changed. We’re on the precipice of a new era of dating. Infinite distractions compete for our attention, less people are getting married and singles are struggling to master new tactics to stay relevant in the minds and lives of the opposite sex. The era of independence and individual success is among us. We’re living at a much faster pace than ever before. Convenience has spoiled us. Everyone is just a text, tweet, email away. When so many people are trying to advance an ego-based agenda –my company, my band, my script --this rise of independence may not be conducive for building meaningful, lasting relationships.
New Era

When did flowers, surprises, and romance go out of style? And what happened to throwing pebbles and declaring love from below a window sill. It all seemed much easier in black and white. These days if they don't respond within 5 minutes of a text they're clearly not interested and it's on to the next! Dating Ain't Easy or perhaps, is dating is too easy? When was the last time you put a lot of effort in trying to court someone? And why has our vocabulary become so explicit and spoken without caution or care? If it wouldn't make your grandma smile, don't say it to me! Too often we say too much and do too little. We have the latest and greatest technology and tools that oversimplifies the very complicated process of dating and getting to know someone.                                  

                                          Agenda

Dating is difficult because not only do you need to find someone you like, but their agenda has to be similar to yours. Success criteria: Lay out objectives. Are they just dating and exploring what's out there? Or are they open to a relationship? Do they some day want to marry and have children or do they have their mind set on traveling the world with their dog?

Making plans

If you actually call me, and you actually pick me up, and we actually go out ...then that sounds great! Convenience is huge and if the distance apart is more than 30 minutes ...forget about it. I barely see my friends if they don’t live within 10 miles of me and even that’s a stretch.

Love
Love is easy in the way that once you know it, it's easy to give yourself to it. But it's hard in the way that we let our imperfections get in the way.

Butterflies

Nothing compares to having that tingly, fluttery, butterfly feeling for someone. Once felt, I try to purse the lips of my potential suitor and prevent them from saying anything that may ruin the fairy tale I've created where no deal breakers exist and everything they say and do is exactly what I've been searching for.

They are perfect! They like me. I like them. It's warm when we cuddle. And in their absence I think of them still.

But then we start talking.

They have cats. I'm allergic.

They are gluten-free. I love pizza.

Kids are their worst nightmare. I've already named my firstborn.

They're agnostic. I go to church every Sunday.

They've been intimate with over 50 people or "around there." HUH?! 
They lack enthusiasm. I appreciate the small things. And once again the curtain closes.

Shhhhh.... don't speak!

If we just skipped the getting-to-know-each-other part this would last a lot longer.

Serving up disappointments hot!

Put Your Pride Down

Accept the challenge of being childlike and cry instead of turning your emotions off. Don't be afraid to look weak and vulnerable, it’s important to be open to the idea of finding happiness or ...you won’t. When I was younger, I saw possibilities instead of probabilities and magic existed. I was open to things and I want to feel that way again, we all do, but it takes practice. It takes growth in your mental state and it's difficult, challenging, and can end in embarrassment. It’s about putting your pride down and allowing curiosity to spark an adventure. Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to. Life is about memories and if you get the chance to make some you gotta drop your pride, and see the worth in accepting an almost certain test of mental and emotional strength. Pride is mostly an internal debate that appears unclear/confusing on the outside to others who cannot see this internal struggle. And what others say about you matters a lot more than what you say about you so don’t trip over something others can’t even see.

Dating

Some people will always be looking for the next best thing. I look at any relationship as an opportunity for growth. Everyone you meet knows something you don’t. There’s something to gain from everyone we date, whether that’s musical taste, a great film, or a good habit. Exploring life with others allows your world to widen just a bit and perhaps help you see things from a fresh perspective.

Great Expectations

I just want a boyfriend who makes me feel the way the sun does. Is that too much to ask?! I think love means different things at different times in our lives, but we're all looking for that sense of security, admiration, love, and dependency that we had for our parents when we were little. You may fall in love with someone because they are very attractive or because they spoil you like no one else has. But I think it's more about loving the choices that person makes on a daily basis, loving how they spend their time and money, and admiring their unique qualities that define them. You want someone to stimulate, challenge, motivate, and bring out the best you. Perhaps, even make you a better you. Even if you eventually have to manufacture what you want, you can find it. It’s not easy but it’s equally hard for all of us. So go ask that somebody on a date!

Friendship 
Too often people think they need to sleep with each other in order to feel connected. Why can't we just concentrate on the friendship first? The relationship is uncomfortable because both parties are insecure and worried that the moment anything goes wrong their love interest will run away. But if we focus on developing the friendship first we won't feel like we're stepping on eggshells around them.

Effort

No, I don't want to get coffee sometime! Take notice of what they like before approaching them and put some effort in planning a date they can't say no to. Or ask them in any other means than a text, facebook message, email, call. We might be surprised at the benefits of adopting the ways of our ancestors or favorite old movie.  

With a little effort, I think it can all be cinematic. Challenging, wondrous, but, a gift, no less. 

Perfect Love

I’ve always believed the only way to be happy is to love. And I usually fall in love with things immediately. I love everything new until it fails me. Perhaps it’s a food I eat every day till it either makes me sick or loses its flavor. Or a song I play on repeat until I know every word and its mystery unravels. Or a person I devote all my attention to and love unconditionally until they give me a reason to pull back. Because the end result of this behavior can sometimes be disappointment, hurt, and pain, this fearless approach to love is not usually the path most traveled, but I give everything the benefit of being perfect until it’s not... No filters, no reservations... I love like a child. 

This might be a self-destructive path when I was in High School or college, but as an adult I've been proactive in making choices that support my well-being and happiness. I'm self aware now whereas before I simply followed the path of an average adolescent and watched my life happen. I'm making the proactive choice to open all the doors and fear not the pain I see necessary for growth.

I choose to allow uncertainty into my life as a way of growth. I want the ultimate experience! However, I do not allow any life threatening dangers as I am OCD about preserving my life and and the lives of my surrounding company. There's a very precious value on a heartbeat, and no experience is worth risking the rhythm of that beat.

Children view each day as an opportunity for joy. And as adults we have to get back in touch with that perspective. We all have the potential to turn away from fear and worry, and instead face the sunlight each and every day. Adults don't like being vulnerable or being in a position where they could be hurt, and many would argue by taking this position, I'm opening myself up to hurt. But in doing so, I believe I’m opening myself up to experience the greatest love that can ever be and an infinite stream of possibilities. The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. I’ve discovered a willingness to continuously have faith and risk being disappointed. I’ve found –even disappointments can be quite rewarding. There’s a sense of understanding and clarity that can only be reached by the risky child-like traveler.

The one perhaps who leaves his memories/caution, fears, and worries behind –and instead travels light. Such a heavy mindset may prevent us from traveling down certain paths or making our own way, and this simply limits our experience and ultimate understanding. It's not being reckless in our ways because we unfortunately can not forget the "bad" experiences that we had to learn from, but we don't have to let our scars become mental blocks and boundaries. Are we unwilling participants because we rather not ‘lose?’ Do we only allow ourselves to love when it's safe and a guaranteed win? Personally, I find the reward in the journey and not the trophy, but I’ve never been a collector of things.

Even those who claim to be completely open in the beginning of a relationship, tend to become less and less open as the relationship progresses. Unfortunately, I find they stop getting to know the other person as well. They believe deception is sexy and by keeping your unfavorable attributes and opinions to yourself, this allows your partner to sustain attraction to you. But there’s only one result of deception and keeping those personal details to yourself –DIVORCE! I want to be loved for all that I am, all of the good and all of the bad. I want that person to know about and accept embrace every freckle. The scars, the imperfections, and the stories behind them are what make us real and beautiful.

People weren’t always as opinionated and open as they are today, but I’m hoping this willingness to expose even our inner most dark and ‘unattractive’ attributes, will promote greater acceptance and allow for unimaginable Love... Because happiness only exists when it is shared.

It is said that love only comes around once. But if you allow yourself to be that fearless unscathed child, that’s once a day, once an hour, once a minute, once a breath. Love can be endless.

The Leap List . . .

2012 is a Leap Year! What Are You Doing With Your Extra Day? Rather than conduct business as usual, hopefully you made February 29th special! If you didn't, let's get to it, because this year is naturally out of whack!!
 
Leap year isn't something that happens every 4 years, it happens every year, we just make up for it once every 4 years. 365 days in a year? Nope! Make that 365.242374 days it takes the earth to orbit around the sun. That's just one more common lie we all live by without question. 
         WHY

2012 is a leap year because it contains one extra day, February 29th. The leap comes in because if your birthday fell on a Friday last year, you can usually expect it to fall on the next day (Saturday) the following year. However, every four years, thanks to Julius Caesar and his extra day in February, we "leap" over the next expected day of the week. People used to believe that "monkeying" with the calendar that way actually throws nature out of whack. And it's commonly believed that Leap Year gives women the privilege of proposing marriage to men instead of the other way around. Watch out bachelors!

      WHEN IS THE PARTY

If you are born on a Leap Year, most states consider March 1st the day you get your driver's license/celebrate. We will enjoy a Leap Day once every 1461 days, so your chance of being born on Leap Year Day is about 1 in 1461. But, if you are a Leap Year baby, you're naturally famous right out of the womb and get to be in a special club. The Honor Society of Leap Year Day Babies is a free membership birthday club for people born on February 29th. One of the main goals of the Honor Society is to promote Leap Day awareness by connecting journalists with Leapers.
          THE LEAP LIST

It's time to get ready for a wacky year and start your "Leap list" of projects you've been putting off or something creative you've wanted to try but haven't had time to do.

Maybe you want to get in shape by attempting The Hunter & Gatherers' Diet, pay off your debts, learn to play guitar or buy a new computer? Travel abroad or live in Europe? Go skydiving, write a book, take a road trip across the country or go back to school? Get lasik eye surgery, learn to surf, find a job you enjoy, fall in love, make a positive impact or move to a new city? 
But let's start small and make a realistic list first! You could pull a Lady Gaga and wear something Wacky, and be "THAT" guy/girl for one day! Pay a stranger's tab at a restaurant or go on a hike and work every muscle in your body. Releasing those toxic thoughts through your pores will free your mind of stress and worries, providing a sense of clarity necessary for good decision making and problem solving. Bitches just need to run! 

You could ask someone to come out to play... Get all muddy and Nostalgic, and don't come home till you've ruined your clothes! Redecorate your space. Buy something vibrant and new or be bold for once and pick up a paint brush and just go with it! Talk to people you don’t know and keep talking till you've made a new friend. Challenge your taste buds and change it up! Put some Protein Shakes and Almond Milk on that Leap List.

               EXPLORE

Go to google, ask a question, and read about something you've always wondered. READ MORE!! Knowledge is the power and key to understanding. Want to escape your daily routine? Explore the unknown! Take a different path! Maybe you'll discover an opportunity or meet someone new.

Those that choose to challenge themselves often come back a completely changed person. They have gained a new perspective by interacting with a new experience, formed new viewpoints, and even improved their routine lives. 

New experiences are rewarding, fulfilling, and extremely meaningful, because they promote personal development and empower people to take action and make a change. Realize your infinite potential and develop your talents. 

Do whatever it is you need to do so you feel confident, but take a leap of faith in yourself this year and start on that list!

Be Happy!

If you’re not happy change it up! Maybe you’re feeling stuck in life and you’ve fallen into an unsatisfying routine that requires less energy. Maybe you're burnt out and just going through the motions. If you’re constantly being nagged by an inner voice to do something more, you should listen to that tiny motivation that's dying to take action. 

Change can be hard and to avoid the stress of change, people fall into routines. But change doesn't have to be hard, it's often our perception that makes things seem so difficult. You may consider changing your perspective and the way you look at yourself and the world around you. It's important to be consciously aware that all you know in life comes from your experiences and what others may have told you. Not only should you not believe everything you hear, but it's very dangerous to mold your thinking around any one particular experience. It’s important to believe that you are not only capable of anything, but also that anything is possible given the right circumstances. 

If you’ve formed strict boundaries of what you think is and is not possible, you need to find the power to move beyond those boundaries.You are cheating yourself out of life if you don't go out of bounds. It’s common for people to say things aren’t possible because they don’t see a way of them working out. Perhaps you're simply lacking the knowledge or understanding of what you consider to be impossible. 

Once you have the understanding of the impossible, only then will you be able to gain control and power through those debilitating boundaries of the mind. 

A good place to look for understanding of the impossible is the world wide web of shared information/experiences. There’s an incredible amount of information that can be found just by typing a question into an Internet search engine. Of course everyone has used search engines to find the lyrics to their favorite song, but I use search engines (google) every time I want to know anything. You're not the first person to be in your exact situation, and reading about someone else's trials and tribulations "how they did it" -can give you insight from another perspective, a perspective that you are perhaps not capable of seeing yourself. This may sound like common sense to some, but I don't believe everyone actually does this or we would have a more efficient world.

YOU ARE NOT STUCK! There are other ways, which may only seem possible if you are working towards them. There’s always going to be something else out there for you and here’s five ways to change it up!

1. Change the look of your daily environment:
You could do something simple like change the background of your computer -Desktop wallpapers here.

Or buy a plant for your room. If your bedroom walls are white, buy a poster or some inspiring art or …better yet, buy some paint and explore your artistic skills.  Here’s a link on how to become an artist.

2. Be aware of time:
If you don’t own a watch or a calendar both these things are on eBay for pennies! It’s unbelievable to me how many people never know the time or date. Time is slipping away. If you don’t wear a watch you are more likely to waste time without realizing it. My friends without watches on their wrists and calendars on their walls always tell me they use their phone for both, but I personally would never date a man without a watch. Keeping track of time makes more things possible. Once you get that watch you can do number 3!

3. Set dates to look forward to:
Make plans! Make future plans so you are moving forward. Make dinner plans or plan to meet up with an old friend. Planning ahead promotes organization and makes things seem more possible when you have time to prepare. Now, that you have that calendar you can start filling it in, and with that watch you won’t be late!

4. Reward: Buy or order yourself something you’ve been wanting. Not only can you mark on your calendar the arrival of your new toy, but the anticipation alone should keep your spirits high. I’m not an advocate of consuming things like movies, videogames, action figures or even books because all these things will undoubtedly become knickknacks grazing your walls, making it harder for you to move because you’ve collected so much useless sh!t in your life. BUttttt… instead buy something you are likely to use every week if not every day. A good example would be my recent purchase of a contact lenses case in the shape of a frog and his lily pad. This -under five dollars- purchase makes putting in my contacts every day a little more exciting! Don’t believe me? Order yours here. 

5. Escape yourself: Do something out of character
Okay be careful with this one. I’m not telling you to slam the door behind you on a stranger’s face or attempt a high-speed race with a cop instead of pulling over. But do something you wouldn’t usually such as:

Stand up at open mic night!  Eat something you think is gross.

Plan a trip somewhere you’ve never been! -Exploring the land is sure to break down a few of your ignorant views.

Watch a movie you think looks stupid.

Asking out that girl/guy you’ve had a crush on to a FRIENDLY night of fun. I don’t promote acting like a couple for a night with someone you barely know, which is often perceived to constitute as a date in modern times. Instead, ask them to come to board game night and be sure to invite other people they know. Date your friends not strangers.

Read the books you own. Admit you were wrong. Join the RoundTable -yup this is a link.

Get a haircut or flip your hair to the other side.
But don’t fall to being a creature of habit with a daily routine.

What’s bad about being a creature of habit?
 
.....You’re boring! 

You’re going to not only bore yourself into depression you’re going to bore your girlfriend, boyfriend, roommate, friends, and friends’ friends.

  

If you’re changing, you’re growing

and if you’re growing, you’re going 

and if you're going, you’ll get there!

           Be happy!