Dating Ain't Easy

The Game has changed. We’re on the precipice of a new era of dating. Infinite distractions compete for our attention, less people are getting married and singles are struggling to master new tactics to stay relevant in the minds and lives of the opposite sex. The era of independence and individual success is among us. We’re living at a much faster pace than ever before. Convenience has spoiled us. Everyone is just a text, tweet, email away. When so many people are trying to advance an ego-based agenda –my company, my band, my script --this rise of independence may not be conducive for building meaningful, lasting relationships.
New Era

When did flowers, surprises, and romance go out of style? And what happened to throwing pebbles and declaring love from below a window sill. It all seemed much easier in black and white. These days if they don't respond within 5 minutes of a text they're clearly not interested and it's on to the next! Dating Ain't Easy or perhaps, is dating is too easy? When was the last time you put a lot of effort in trying to court someone? And why has our vocabulary become so explicit and spoken without caution or care? If it wouldn't make your grandma smile, don't say it to me! Too often we say too much and do too little. We have the latest and greatest technology and tools that oversimplifies the very complicated process of dating and getting to know someone.                                  

                                          Agenda

Dating is difficult because not only do you need to find someone you like, but their agenda has to be similar to yours. Success criteria: Lay out objectives. Are they just dating and exploring what's out there? Or are they open to a relationship? Do they some day want to marry and have children or do they have their mind set on traveling the world with their dog?

Making plans

If you actually call me, and you actually pick me up, and we actually go out ...then that sounds great! Convenience is huge and if the distance apart is more than 30 minutes ...forget about it. I barely see my friends if they don’t live within 10 miles of me and even that’s a stretch.

Love
Love is easy in the way that once you know it, it's easy to give yourself to it. But it's hard in the way that we let our imperfections get in the way.

Butterflies

Nothing compares to having that tingly, fluttery, butterfly feeling for someone. Once felt, I try to purse the lips of my potential suitor and prevent them from saying anything that may ruin the fairy tale I've created where no deal breakers exist and everything they say and do is exactly what I've been searching for.

They are perfect! They like me. I like them. It's warm when we cuddle. And in their absence I think of them still.

But then we start talking.

They have cats. I'm allergic.

They are gluten-free. I love pizza.

Kids are their worst nightmare. I've already named my firstborn.

They're agnostic. I go to church every Sunday.

They've been intimate with over 50 people or "around there." HUH?! 
They lack enthusiasm. I appreciate the small things. And once again the curtain closes.

Shhhhh.... don't speak!

If we just skipped the getting-to-know-each-other part this would last a lot longer.

Serving up disappointments hot!

Put Your Pride Down

Accept the challenge of being childlike and cry instead of turning your emotions off. Don't be afraid to look weak and vulnerable, it’s important to be open to the idea of finding happiness or ...you won’t. When I was younger, I saw possibilities instead of probabilities and magic existed. I was open to things and I want to feel that way again, we all do, but it takes practice. It takes growth in your mental state and it's difficult, challenging, and can end in embarrassment. It’s about putting your pride down and allowing curiosity to spark an adventure. Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to. Life is about memories and if you get the chance to make some you gotta drop your pride, and see the worth in accepting an almost certain test of mental and emotional strength. Pride is mostly an internal debate that appears unclear/confusing on the outside to others who cannot see this internal struggle. And what others say about you matters a lot more than what you say about you so don’t trip over something others can’t even see.

Dating

Some people will always be looking for the next best thing. I look at any relationship as an opportunity for growth. Everyone you meet knows something you don’t. There’s something to gain from everyone we date, whether that’s musical taste, a great film, or a good habit. Exploring life with others allows your world to widen just a bit and perhaps help you see things from a fresh perspective.

Great Expectations

I just want a boyfriend who makes me feel the way the sun does. Is that too much to ask?! I think love means different things at different times in our lives, but we're all looking for that sense of security, admiration, love, and dependency that we had for our parents when we were little. You may fall in love with someone because they are very attractive or because they spoil you like no one else has. But I think it's more about loving the choices that person makes on a daily basis, loving how they spend their time and money, and admiring their unique qualities that define them. You want someone to stimulate, challenge, motivate, and bring out the best you. Perhaps, even make you a better you. Even if you eventually have to manufacture what you want, you can find it. It’s not easy but it’s equally hard for all of us. So go ask that somebody on a date!

Friendship 
Too often people think they need to sleep with each other in order to feel connected. Why can't we just concentrate on the friendship first? The relationship is uncomfortable because both parties are insecure and worried that the moment anything goes wrong their love interest will run away. But if we focus on developing the friendship first we won't feel like we're stepping on eggshells around them.

Effort

No, I don't want to get coffee sometime! Take notice of what they like before approaching them and put some effort in planning a date they can't say no to. Or ask them in any other means than a text, facebook message, email, call. We might be surprised at the benefits of adopting the ways of our ancestors or favorite old movie.  

With a little effort, I think it can all be cinematic. Challenging, wondrous, but, a gift, no less. 

The Nature of Pursuing a Dream

Sarah Bitely is the creator and writer of Pimpkillah comics. She recently published her third issue of Pimpkillah, a new comic book series that focuses on a violent tale of revenge. I ran into Sarah at the LA Zine Fest, and she agreed to sit down with me and answer some of my burning questions about the journey of pursuing her childhood dream.

Kristen: First, let's get everyone up to speed. What is Pimpkillah about?

Sarah: Pimpkillah is about Sloane Stone’s journey to find her sister. The first two issues are just the beginning. I feel like this second issue is the boiling point for Pimpkillah. We’re ready to kick it into gear and get into the the thick of it. The Descent depicts Sloane Stone’s transition from Sudan back to Los Angeles. Uncovering a shocking discovery about her estranged sister, Naomi, propels her deep into the dark world she never wanted a part of. A path she worked hard to avoid. A path of darkness and despair. A path her sister wasn’t as determined to escape.

Kristen: Why this story of revenge? What draws you to revenge tales?

Sarah: Revenge stories have always intrigued me and it’s one of my favorite genres to explore. I’m fascinated by the idea of a somewhat “normal” and functioning human completely snapping over an injustice or wrong done to them. A kindhearted person turned stone cold over a traumatic event. The loss of innocence. And of course I love the idea of vigilante justice and questioning mild prosecution of those who have done horrible crimes.

Kristen: What were some of your childhood influences Were you into comics?
Sarah: As a young girl, I loved Archie comics. I was obsessed with Betty and Veronica, and Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Batman was another comic I loved to read. When I was about four years old, I remember putting together this little booklet made of colored construction paper, and I made a Batman themed story with my crayons. I’ve always had a passion for telling stories, especially through images, both in comics and film.

Kristen: How have your inspirations changed as an adult?

Sarah: Today, I am much more into darker themes and noir comics, which I never knew existed when I was in high school. Ed Brubaker and Sean Philips’ Criminal series was my first noir comic love, and definitely set the pace for Pimpkillah.

Karl Edward Wagner’s “Tell Me, Dark” is another amazing noir, horror comic that is drawn and written in such a hauntingly beautiful way. Right now I love Hernandez Brothers’ Love and Rockets, I read all their collected works too, like Maggie the Mechanic, Penny Century and Luba.  A lot of the Hernandez artwork is heavily influenced by Archie comics so it seems I’m drawn to similar classic artwork. I love the way Hernandez draws his ladies, of all shapes and sizes. I’m very much inspired by the shape of female figures and I hope to bring some of that voluptuousness to Pimpkillah. But I think more than anything I’m inspired by films. Cinema translates to comics so naturally, and when I am working on something I draw most of my inspirations from movies. I like to think that when I create a comic it’s like I’m storyboarding a movie. Which is definitely in the works for Pimpkillah in the upcoming future._­ Here’s a link to a short film I made called “Baby Blue.” http://www.viddler.com/v/43eff3db

Kristen: What are some of your favorite films?

Sarah: My all time favorite movie is Mean Streets by Martin Scorsese. Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore. All 70’s Scorsese cinema is the best in my opinion. I love that unfiltered, raw edge you don’t really get in his films anymore. John Cassavetes’ Woman Under the Influence also has that quality that is hard to come by these days. Catherine Breillat’s The Last Mistress is one of my favorite movies from the last decade. Such a passionate story and Asia Argento is outstanding in it. Sloane Stone, Pimpkillah’s heroine is loosely based off her. Wong Kar Wai’s In the Mood for Love and Fallen Angels are two of the most beautiful films I’ve seen. Specific films that have influenced me genre-wise for Pimpkillah include Coffy, Foxy Brown, Oldboy, Switchblade Sisters, Kill Bill – okay, I could fill up pages with my favorite movies, so I suppose I’ll stop here.

Kristen: Have your parents always been supportive of your career in film and comics? Sarah: My parents have always been my number one supporters who would do anything to help me achieve my goals.  I think no matter what I would chose to do they would be behind me a hundred percent. I love them so much and wouldn’t be where I am today without them.

Kristen: What are some of the struggles you've encountered in pursuit of your dreams?

Sarah: It usually starts with money. When you’re fresh out of school, thousands of dollars in the hole, and hardly making enough money at your desk job it can be quite trying to get something published and off the ground. My first two comics were mini-comics, and no longer than ten pages so it was relatively cheap to print. My next issue is more than double the length and full size. But you have to expect people not to buy your comic, and you probably won’t make your money back. But the keys are trading your comics with people, and spreading the word about your work. I have yet to make an Indie GoGo account or Kickstarter, but I think I will definitely start one for the third issue.

The next biggest challenge is finding someone as passionate as you are about your project. Finding artists is always difficult and sometimes working with others can be painful as well. I prefer to work with close friends of mine who understand the way I think and envision. Since I’ve been developing, writing, and re-writing Pimpkillah for the past four years it can save a lot of time when you meet someone who truly understands where you are coming from and where you want to go with the project. The last hardest thing is finding the time to work on your projects. Balancing time is imperative. I was working full-time and then I worked on my comics or writing after work, on my lunch break, and on weekends. Currently, I’m on hiatus. I’m taking time to gather all my thoughts for Pimpkillah 3, not titled just yet. Now more than ever we need people’s support to continue printing copies and issues. There are comics and prints available at www.pimpkillah.com Also available in Stores: Meltdown Comics 7522 Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles, CA. Pop Hop Books and Print 5002 York Blvd. Eagle Rock, CA 

Kristen: What have you learned from completing your first three comics? What are you going to do differently in the next issue?

Sarah: Issue 3 is going to be so different! I’m thinking of coloring it myself, and working with different artists. I digitally inked Pimpkillah: The Descent and have been learning more Photoshop as I go along.  The story is really going to get going in this one because I feel I know what could have been done in the previous issues. I want issue 3 to engage the reader more. I want Sloane’s inner dialogue to have much more of a presence and really get our readers into her subconscious. When I reprint issue 2, I will be adding more of her thoughts and feelings into it. Rosendo Santos, artist for Descent, will also be working on the ending to tie together a few loose ends. So when we run out the first prints, the second print will be a bit different. But you’d have to check out both prints to really observe the added details.

Kristen: As you know, one of the primary themes of my blog, “Cinematic Escape,” is escapism. How do you personally and also your comics relate to escapism?

Sarah: I feel as though my entire life has been centered around escapism and creating my own realm. From playing cowboys and Indians as a child to directing films, I’ve always found other outlets to live my life through and cope with my surroundings. Now, my career path is focused on creating alternate realities through writing, drawing, and making films. I’m entranced by crafting another universe that is so foreign to me and yet still making it relatable to anyone. When I write a story, rather it be a comic or screenplay, I love diving into the depths of my character’s subconscious and discovering what drives them. While directing actors, empathizing with another and connecting with them on an emotional level is what initially sparked my inspiration to make films.

I can put myself into anyone’s shoes and escape through doing so. My hope for Pimpkillah is for people to want to put themselves in Sloane’s shoes and go along on her journey.

Kristen: Do you have any advice or words of wisdom for aspiring comic book writers just getting started? Sarah: Network, go to festivals, and spread the word about your comic! Pimpkillah Press: http://www.laweekly.com/2013-02-14/calendar/revenge-of-the-zines/

Pimpkillah Productions is located in Los Angeles, CA. Call for Artists: Have your work featured in the next Pimpkillah comic! Internships also available. For more information on how you can get involved email pimpkillah.productions@gmail.com

Pimpkillah the series is available for purchase at: www.pimpkillah.com
Available in Stores: Meltdown Comics 7522 Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles, CA.
Pop Hop Books and Print 5002 York Blvd Eagle Rock, CA
For exclusive updates and upcoming release dates visit the Pimpkillah facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/Pimpkillah?ref=hl

Follow Pimpkillah on twitter: https://twitter.com/SloaneStone
Zine Fest photo credit: Brodie Foster Hubbard http://fairdig.com

Small Changes

Escapism, mental diversion by means of entertainment or recreation as an "escape" from the perceived unpleasant or banal aspects of daily life. It can also be used to define the actions people take to help relieve persisting feelings of depression or general sadness. 

Entire industries have sprung up to foster a growing tendency of people to remove themselves from the rigors of daily life. Film, television, YouTube, and even activities that are normal parts of a healthy existence (e.g., eating, sleeping, exercise, sexual activity) can also become avenues of escapism when taken to extremes or out of proper context.

Something that is mere "daydreaming" or "escapism" -from the viewpoint of a technological rational society- might be a seed for a new and more humane social order. It could be seen as an "immature, but honest substitute for a revolution".

Social justice could not be realized without seeing things fundamentally differently. It's time to consider alternate views and open our eyes to a different perspective. It's time to take responsibility for ourselves and realize we have control over the environments we chose to immerse into. Take the reins, reach the point where you do care enough to make the change to be self-responsible and self-aware. 

Set no boundaries for yourself, diffuse those constructed by others. Sometimes people run away, because they want to maintain their own illusions. Through dialog, we can uncross wires and provide positive reinforcement for those who have unintentionally constructed self-destructive mind bombs. We can attempt to smooth the foundations of the mind and begin building castles by considering alternative perspectives and exchanging concise dialogue that will influence society to share a greater understanding, explore the depths of their abilities, take control, and live the dream. 

I started this blog right before my journey cross-country from a small farm town to the big city of Los Angeles. I was engaged to be married to my High School sweetheart of seven years, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine and decided to set sail on my own journey. I created Cinematic Escape in hopes of empowering, inspiring, challenging and educating people to make Small Changes (in thought, word, and deed) to grow in compassion for themselves, others and the earth. And perhaps ...set sail on a journey of their own. 

Perfect Love

I’ve always believed the only way to be happy is to love. And I usually fall in love with things immediately. I love everything new until it fails me. Perhaps it’s a food I eat every day till it either makes me sick or loses its flavor. Or a song I play on repeat until I know every word and its mystery unravels. Or a person I devote all my attention to and love unconditionally until they give me a reason to pull back. Because the end result of this behavior can sometimes be disappointment, hurt, and pain, this fearless approach to love is not usually the path most traveled, but I give everything the benefit of being perfect until it’s not... No filters, no reservations... I love like a child. 

This might be a self-destructive path when I was in High School or college, but as an adult I've been proactive in making choices that support my well-being and happiness. I'm self aware now whereas before I simply followed the path of an average adolescent and watched my life happen. I'm making the proactive choice to open all the doors and fear not the pain I see necessary for growth.

I choose to allow uncertainty into my life as a way of growth. I want the ultimate experience! However, I do not allow any life threatening dangers as I am OCD about preserving my life and and the lives of my surrounding company. There's a very precious value on a heartbeat, and no experience is worth risking the rhythm of that beat.

Children view each day as an opportunity for joy. And as adults we have to get back in touch with that perspective. We all have the potential to turn away from fear and worry, and instead face the sunlight each and every day. Adults don't like being vulnerable or being in a position where they could be hurt, and many would argue by taking this position, I'm opening myself up to hurt. But in doing so, I believe I’m opening myself up to experience the greatest love that can ever be and an infinite stream of possibilities. The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. I’ve discovered a willingness to continuously have faith and risk being disappointed. I’ve found –even disappointments can be quite rewarding. There’s a sense of understanding and clarity that can only be reached by the risky child-like traveler.

The one perhaps who leaves his memories/caution, fears, and worries behind –and instead travels light. Such a heavy mindset may prevent us from traveling down certain paths or making our own way, and this simply limits our experience and ultimate understanding. It's not being reckless in our ways because we unfortunately can not forget the "bad" experiences that we had to learn from, but we don't have to let our scars become mental blocks and boundaries. Are we unwilling participants because we rather not ‘lose?’ Do we only allow ourselves to love when it's safe and a guaranteed win? Personally, I find the reward in the journey and not the trophy, but I’ve never been a collector of things.

Even those who claim to be completely open in the beginning of a relationship, tend to become less and less open as the relationship progresses. Unfortunately, I find they stop getting to know the other person as well. They believe deception is sexy and by keeping your unfavorable attributes and opinions to yourself, this allows your partner to sustain attraction to you. But there’s only one result of deception and keeping those personal details to yourself –DIVORCE! I want to be loved for all that I am, all of the good and all of the bad. I want that person to know about and accept embrace every freckle. The scars, the imperfections, and the stories behind them are what make us real and beautiful.

People weren’t always as opinionated and open as they are today, but I’m hoping this willingness to expose even our inner most dark and ‘unattractive’ attributes, will promote greater acceptance and allow for unimaginable Love... Because happiness only exists when it is shared.

It is said that love only comes around once. But if you allow yourself to be that fearless unscathed child, that’s once a day, once an hour, once a minute, once a breath. Love can be endless.

The Leap List . . .

2012 is a Leap Year! What Are You Doing With Your Extra Day? Rather than conduct business as usual, hopefully you made February 29th special! If you didn't, let's get to it, because this year is naturally out of whack!!
 
Leap year isn't something that happens every 4 years, it happens every year, we just make up for it once every 4 years. 365 days in a year? Nope! Make that 365.242374 days it takes the earth to orbit around the sun. That's just one more common lie we all live by without question. 
         WHY

2012 is a leap year because it contains one extra day, February 29th. The leap comes in because if your birthday fell on a Friday last year, you can usually expect it to fall on the next day (Saturday) the following year. However, every four years, thanks to Julius Caesar and his extra day in February, we "leap" over the next expected day of the week. People used to believe that "monkeying" with the calendar that way actually throws nature out of whack. And it's commonly believed that Leap Year gives women the privilege of proposing marriage to men instead of the other way around. Watch out bachelors!

      WHEN IS THE PARTY

If you are born on a Leap Year, most states consider March 1st the day you get your driver's license/celebrate. We will enjoy a Leap Day once every 1461 days, so your chance of being born on Leap Year Day is about 1 in 1461. But, if you are a Leap Year baby, you're naturally famous right out of the womb and get to be in a special club. The Honor Society of Leap Year Day Babies is a free membership birthday club for people born on February 29th. One of the main goals of the Honor Society is to promote Leap Day awareness by connecting journalists with Leapers.
          THE LEAP LIST

It's time to get ready for a wacky year and start your "Leap list" of projects you've been putting off or something creative you've wanted to try but haven't had time to do.

Maybe you want to get in shape by attempting The Hunter & Gatherers' Diet, pay off your debts, learn to play guitar or buy a new computer? Travel abroad or live in Europe? Go skydiving, write a book, take a road trip across the country or go back to school? Get lasik eye surgery, learn to surf, find a job you enjoy, fall in love, make a positive impact or move to a new city? 
But let's start small and make a realistic list first! You could pull a Lady Gaga and wear something Wacky, and be "THAT" guy/girl for one day! Pay a stranger's tab at a restaurant or go on a hike and work every muscle in your body. Releasing those toxic thoughts through your pores will free your mind of stress and worries, providing a sense of clarity necessary for good decision making and problem solving. Bitches just need to run! 

You could ask someone to come out to play... Get all muddy and Nostalgic, and don't come home till you've ruined your clothes! Redecorate your space. Buy something vibrant and new or be bold for once and pick up a paint brush and just go with it! Talk to people you don’t know and keep talking till you've made a new friend. Challenge your taste buds and change it up! Put some Protein Shakes and Almond Milk on that Leap List.

               EXPLORE

Go to google, ask a question, and read about something you've always wondered. READ MORE!! Knowledge is the power and key to understanding. Want to escape your daily routine? Explore the unknown! Take a different path! Maybe you'll discover an opportunity or meet someone new.

Those that choose to challenge themselves often come back a completely changed person. They have gained a new perspective by interacting with a new experience, formed new viewpoints, and even improved their routine lives. 

New experiences are rewarding, fulfilling, and extremely meaningful, because they promote personal development and empower people to take action and make a change. Realize your infinite potential and develop your talents. 

Do whatever it is you need to do so you feel confident, but take a leap of faith in yourself this year and start on that list!